I’ve been putting this post off. Remember last week when I said I had a very personal post coming? Yeah. It’s that one. It has to do with body image. I’ve written on this topic before, and it wasn’t easy then either. It’s hard for me to practice what I preach on this subject. You see, I feel like I’m in a constant state of trying to lose weight. I’ve spent most of my life being overweight. Body image is something I STRUGGLE with. I spent a lot of high school and early college teetering on the edge of various eating disorders. I know I’m not alone in this, but sometimes it just plain feels lonely.
At the end of my sophomore year of college, after ending a TERRIBLY unhealthy and abusive relationship, I lost 50 pounds. I felt incredible about myself, finally. I really came out of my shell. I still had a few more pounds to lose, but I felt really great about my looks for once. I was, however, still greatly wounded from my previous relationship, and the bad thing was, I lost the weight in a very unhealthy way. I had restricted my calories to between 700 and 800 a day while going to the gym and burning all of those calories back off in one session. BAD BAD BAD. It began from being depressed in that relationship, once I noticed I was losing weight pretty rapidly, I consciously began restricting my fuel intake.
I spent the next year healing from the bad relationship, and I met the beau. We began dating, and I was extremely happy, and I sometimes these things happen, the weight began to creep back up. I was no longer obsessively watching everything I put in my mouth, but I had gained 30 pounds back. This past November, I realized I had to do something ASAP. I didn’t want this problem hovering over me for the rest of my life. I wanted to do it for me and for my future family. I would die if my children spent their life suffering from extreme body image issues like I have, and I knew it had to happen the healthy way or it wouldn’t stay off this time. So, I began researching.
I starting running every day, lifting weights, and really focusing on a balanced, clean, and healthy diet that I could maintain for a lifetime. My body had never felt better, and I began noticing some growth in my muscles, but I wasn’t losing any weight. Don’t get me wrong, the number on the scale isn’t the sole thing you should be focusing on, but I knew that number had to come down because I was still considered overweight. By March, there was still no significant change in those numbers, so I decided to talk to my doctor. After discussing with her my issues, she decided to check my thyroid, but nothing seemed to be wrong in that area. It was my metabolism. It has been so significantly damaged from dropping weight the unhealthy way, I was having difficulty losing it the healthy way now. I couldn’t believe that it had come back to haunt me like that.
She gave me a few pointers for remedying this problem, and I am happy to say that after months of hard work, those 30 pounds are finally back off. I’m not stopping here though. I have a few more pounds to go, and when I finally hit my goal weight, I will share all the numbers with you. I need a little more time to get comfortable with doing that! It’s scary! I have more goals ready for when I reach that ultimate goal weight, don’t worry!
|From L to R: heaviest ever, 50 pounds down, 30 pounds back up, and now|
I’ve become so infatuated with health and nutrition and the way being healthy makes me feel. Learning the proper way to care for your body has really pushed me to come to terms with the way I feel about my body. Instead of hating my body for the way it looks, I’ve come to love it for the things it can do and the way I can make it feel. I want to test it and push it to its limits now. Don’t get me wrong, I still have days when I don’t like the way I look, and I want the rest of the weight to just fall off at once. It feels so good, though, to truly love myself for the first time in pretty much ever.
On a side note: I’ve recently just discovered that I have a gluten intolerance. After suffering from eczema for my ENTIRE LIFE, it’s become painfully clear that gluten sensitivity is the cause. Weird, right? Just another helpful lesson from my health and nutrition research.
I hope y’all enjoyed this post. I know it’s a little out of the ordinary compared to what I usually post, but I felt like I should share it. If anyone ever needs to talk about your body issues, wants an accountability partner, or has any questions about my past struggles, please feel free to contact me. I’d love to talk to you!
For more from me on learning to love yourself and body image visit this post.
Happy Hump Day!